Thursday, April 22, 2010

Hard Times

"Let me tell you girl
what's gotten me through
is keepin' faith through it all

Cause there'll be dead ends and road blocks
tough times and hard knocks
seems like your always wonderin'
why you're at the right place
at the wrong time
wheels movin' but you feel stuck
like your life's spinnin' in a big mud
when you're out there runnin' around
on a wild goose chase
there's a reason to keep believin'
God don't make mistakes"

(From the song "God Don't Make Mistakes performed by Jamie O'Neal)

Anyone reading my blog should check this song out. It's a good "feel good" song. I think this was a fitting thing to post based on how things are going in so many people's lives right now.

I'm such a worrier. It must be the mother inside of me. I worry about other people and things that are going on in their lives. It's emotionally draining. I have such a difficult time detaching from others issues or problems. I wish I understood more of why I am like this, and how to turn it down a little. I shouldn't have sleepless nights because of other people's life choices.

I am too sensitive to the world around me. This has to be part of the problem. I want to please everyone. I want to fix everyone. It's just not going to all happen like that and even though I know that, I still try.

My sensitivity is what allows people's rude, petty, thoughtless, or unpleasant things to affect me so much. I am so easily guilted into or manipulated into things. If someone wants me to do something and I tell them no, and/or give them my reasons for not doing, going, planning, participating in something, and they continue to pressure me, I usually give in and do whatever it was just for the sake of keeping everyone happy. This isn't a good way to live. :( Why am I like this?

Writing all this out also reminds me of something else I've noticed. I have a tendency to be a perfectionist and slightly OCD sometimes. Not always, but sometimes. I am very responsible and have difficulty understanding others slightly less responsible than mine tendencies. I am noticing that Joseph is becoming a bit of a perfectionist as well. I don't want him to live with these same idiosyncrasies. But, sometimes if he can't do something exactly like he wants to he gets very frustrated. Sometimes he'll be coloring and then wad up his paper, throw it away, and want a new one because he's not happy with his work. Why would a 1 year old do this? Everything he does is awesome and amazing and I tell him this several times a day. Why would he think otherwise? He obviously is picking up on my flaws.

But anyways, I've gotten off topic. Back to the original point. I am sad to see so many people going through such difficult, frustrating, questionable, silly situations. So many people are out of work. So many people are going through financial problems. So many people are making choices that are completely contrary to my moral beliefs. So much sadness in so many peoples lives. I honestly have a hard time thinking of anyone that isn't experiencing some difficulty in their life.

Since I brought up moral beliefs, let me just touch on this for a moment. I am by no means a perfect person. I have not always had the values that I have today and therefore lived a life outside from things that I believe today. I have always thought and felt that as you grew into an adult, and matured as a person, life experiences and wisdom would bring you to a different place in your morals, and values than you were as a younger person. At least that's been true for me. I don't know if that's true for other people or not, but based on so many obstacles people are facing I would guess not. So many people have gone backwards, not forwards in their moral views on things. So it makes me wonder, why do some people who were more liberal grow more conservative, and those who were conservative more liberal?

So it's time to take my tired heart to bed. Just know that all of you experiencing challenges and obstacles are prayed for and thought of on a regular basis.

2 comments:

  1. I so know what you mean in this post. I am the same way, sleepless nights worry about other people and their problems. And times I just wish if I could fall asleep not think about anything. I also am one to pretty much say yes to anything when it comes to helping people out. Careful though, don't let people take advantage of that, don't let your good heart be stomped all over.

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  2. A sensitive spirit can be both a curse and a blessing. I wish I had answers for you. All I can do is pray for you and be here if you need to talk.

    Also, I can tell you what I do when I can't sleep because something is whirling in my mind. I picture a big bag in my head then I picture myself putting my worries in the bag. Finally I picture myself handing the bag to God and saying "here, You deal with this, I need sleep." I've known others who write it down to give it to God. It's just an idea.

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