Saturday, November 13, 2010

The Fake Friend

Let's just start off by saying that I am too old for people with elementary or high school school mentality. I think everyone knows at least one of those people. It's the same person, who while you are in grade school all of a sudden starts liking the same boy you like (although they showed no interest before). It's the person who runs out and gets the same shoes, coat, barbie, or haircut because it's what you have. It's the same person who all of a sudden wants to be someone's friend because they see you are attempting a friendship with a new person. It's the "if I get it first, I'm better than them" mentality. Whatever of those 3 forms you may know this person as, any way you cut it, they are not a "real" friend. As someone who has survived this type of relationship, honestly, it doesn't get better with age, people honestly have the tendency to get even nastier with this behavior.

So, let's talk about the obvious. I'm not a kid anymore, and I realize that I can have a friend that is friends with many other people and it in no way shape or form threatens my relationship with them. Some people don't feel that, and feel to have a friend they must be their one and only friend. It's a possessive, "gimme, gimme me" mentality that is extremely dangerous.

My husband (although he sometimes doesn't notice these things, has picked up on this situation as well) and I are seeing one unfold currently. We have a front row seat at times to the two-faced, underhanded tactics of this type of person.

I'm probably confusing a lot of you. So let me break it down and tell you my dilemna. There is someone who up until recently hasn't been much more than an acquaintance to me. I knew this person through my husband, but although we knew each other we didn't really talk too much. Over a short period of time I feel like we've become friends and I've found that I really like this person.

So, now that I've begun talking with and getting to know this person someone else has taken notice of this and as far as I can tell is trying to drive this person closer to themselves (I believe at hopes of making me "lose" this person as a friend). It's the only thing that makes sense. Here, this is getting confusing. We will give these people pretend names to protect their identities. So, we have "Amy" who I've been talking to more and am finding is a pretty cool person. Then we have "Drusilla" who is not friends with me, and up until when I've begun talking to "Amy" hasn't been "Amy's" friend either.

The part of this that's so disheartening, the part that really worries and bothers me is "Amy" getting hurt. I am an adult and I know that "Drusilla" will not be able to "steal" my new friend away. At one point I knew "Drusilla" and at the time I didn't really know "Amy." The things that "Drusilla" would say about "Amy" bordered on violent. The vulgar, grotesque things that were vomited from "Drusilla's" mouth about "Amy" could make your stomach wretch. So, now that I see all of a sudden how this person who was so hated is now an interest to "Drusilla," I'm a little worried about poor "Amy."

Maybe "Drusilla" is trying to be a big girl and trying to make amends, build bridges, etc. But I'm skeptical at best. The way it's unfolded looks more like, "I don't like her (referring to me), so if I can take away what she likes, I win."

Fortunately I'm a big girl, and I understand true friendships and relationships don't work that way. So, I'm not worried about that aspect. What concerns me is this: Should I inform "Amy" of "Drusilla's" true or at least fairly recent comments/feelings about her, or do I just let the situation unfold and "Amy" find out for herself?

I guess I know the answer to this. I'm an adult and I'm not going to instigate "drama" which is all that would really happen. I'll keep my mouth shut.

I just think it's silly for people to behave in such a two-faced way. I think it's silly for people who are not satisfied in their lives to see someone who is happy and satisfied and to take it upon themselves to upset that balance. What this person doesn't understand is that someone who is happy/satisfied and has what she wants out of life is not thrown off course by their jealous, petty behavior.

I am happy, satisfied, pleased, content with my life and my relationships, and no amount of envious, back-stabbing-esque behavior will change that. I just hope that this person (Drusilla) is able to find the happiness and satisfaction that I have from life so maybe she can stop misusing people and finally put away her "Fake Friend" cape.


  1. Situations such as these can be frustrating. It is great you can raise above the drama. When crossing people like this, you may want to look at what is behind the behavior. People such as this, could possibly have problems such as poor self worth. One of the hardest thing we ALL struggle with is having mercy and kindness toward others that can "suck the life" out of you. The only power this person can have over you is what you allow yourself to take ownership of, and good for you she does not take away from who you are. If I was in this situation, I would tell your friend it makes you feel uncomfortable to hear negative things about the other person. I usually say, "I have never witnessed this or seen this in this other person." The friend who you wish could "see the light" will most likely get it soon enough. You stay blameless and let them work it out. Not fun. You have a great deal of people who love you and NO ONE can change that. Good luck! AD

  2. Up date us on your friend situation when you able to. :)