I am frazzled. I am stressed. I am stretched and wore thin. This month has brought some major issues and tenuous situations. I'm about ready for November to be over. Bring on December.
To start with, everything is just a little bit stressful as we prepare for Jeremiah's departure. It's hard getting everything arranged and taken care of for an absence that will span so many months.
He'll be home at Christmas and New Year's, but will miss my birthday for the second year in a row. It's sad, and disappointing. My favorite place to go for my birthday is Benihana. Normally my folks take me there to celebrate my birthday, but with my Dad on disability for his back there's not quite so much money this year. So, I guess I will take Joseph and myself to dinner there on my birthday. Hopefully he'll be home next year for my birthday.
We've encountered some unforeseen and large expenses this month as well. So, it's stretches an already overstretched and thin budget to just about the snapping point. I know things will be a little easier once we start getting the military paycheck again, but that's still about a month away.
I'm also a sad over the dissolution of two good friend's marriage. It's hard to see this happen to two people that I love so much. Their divorce was just final after a long separation. I'm glad to see them moving on, but I'm still sad about the entire situation.
We've been trying to have another baby since Jeremiah's return. This month was really our last chance to "try" until his return in April. It didn't happen, and much to my sadness and disappointment there will not be a new baby in 2011 like we were hoping for. If I'm being completely honest I'm quite shattered about this. After the miscarriage in 2009 I just thought we would have an easier time getting pregnant. I'm frustrated and sad, and feeling discouraged. Once I know for sure that our tricare benefits are back in proper order I am going to go to the OB/GYN and get checked out. It's possible that my PCOS has gotten worse and I may need some medication to help with proper ovulation. Many women with PCOS need medication to get pregnant. My doctor said my fertility was extremely high after I conceived with Joseph because it only took 11 cycles and I was un-medicated. Many women with PCOS can struggle for years to conceive. I know we haven't tried 11 cycles yet, but I am just feeling a little nervous about this. I think getting a check up will ease my mind about this and hopefully give me some reassurance that I can and will conceive, eventually.
There are so many other issues and problems and stress besides these few things. Life is just hard right now. I've tried to scale back as much as I can of my extra responsibilities. I'm hoping that will give me some time to buff myself up emotionally and mentally. I've been so scatter brained lately because of all this extra stress. I'm just ready for a break.
I know it could be worse. I know God won't give me more than I can handle. I hope that's true, but I don't know how much more I can take at this point in time.