Wednesday, May 26, 2010

My BIG Plan

So, I've said on here a couple of times that I am interested in losing some weight before the next pregnancy. I'm not one of those, "Oh I'm so fat and ugly" type girls. I accept my body. I have been overweight most of my life. It's nothing that just sorta happened. I've always been a "bigger" girl. I accept my body for what it is, but if losing some weight can make me healthier for another pregnancy, then I am going to try my darn-dest to shed a few pounds. A few months ago I was able to shed 19 lbs, but I went back to my old activities and put it, plus five additional lbs on. This isn't the first time it's happened. When we lived in Colorado I lost 21 pounds. I unfortunately got extremely sick with viral meningitis and once I wasn't sick anymore, I was still extremely weakened, and wound up putting those twenty, plus another 6 on. I currently weigh 45 lbs more than when we were married, and 85 lbs more than when we had our first date.

The culprit is not just one thing. I'm an emotional eater. Eating makes me feel better. I also eat way too much. And I eat crappy foods. I have a weakness for fast food and for pop. If I cut those 2 things out of my diet and did nothing else I would lose a considerable amount of weight. On top of all those other things, I do not excercise. I have never been one for much physical activity. Put all of those things together and you get a person who is more than 100 lbs overweight.

Change isn't easy, I'm sure most of you know that. It's not that I don't know what to eat, or how much, or how often, I do. But, coming back to the emotional eating part, part of my brain doesn't listen. Food is my drug. Food is my addiction.

I am trying to do as much as I can to prevent this from happening to Joseph. I became extremely addicted to pop and it's caffeine at an early age. That is why I don't want Joseph even having a little pop yet. My parents don't understand this. When I take Joseph over to their house they like to give him very sugary, very fatty, very salty foods. Foods with empty calories and little nutritional value. It's all the foods I grew up eating on a regular basis. I'm struggling to find a voice and explain this to them. I want him to be healthier than I was as a child. It's hard to break the chain, it's hard to stop history from repeating itself. Not even taking into account how bad for you most of these foods are, he always has a tummy ache when he comes home and then spends much of the night up. It's hard for his system to go from healthier foods to straight junk food. Don't get me wrong, the kid gets plenty of "junk" type foods. He gets candy and sweet treats ONCE IN A WHILE. He gets chocolate milk. He gets chips sometimes. He gets ice cream and pudding sometimes. But it's all in moderation. But it's not like a free for all at Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory.

Most of my attempts at living a healthier life have failed. I have had 2 gym memberships that went mostly unused. I wanted the Wii Fit because I thought it would make working out fun. That too failed. But, I may have found something that might work. It will get me a little more active, it's relatively fun and easy, and it's something I can do with Joseph.

Riding a bike.

I'm sure you all remember the recalled crib fiasco and Walmart giving us such a hard time. Well when we finally got them to take it back, all they would give us was store credit. I do not care for Walmart and did not want a $200 plus giftcard, but was left with no other options. We used some of the giftcard to purchase Olive Garden and AMC giftcards for a date the other night, and were still left with a balance of about $140. I had planned to use some of it with Christmas shopping, but then had another idea. Maybe a bike could help this rut I'm in. So, Joseph and I went and purchased an adult mountain bike, a basket for the front (because I will for sure need a place to store things now that I'm a mom), an infant seat to attach to the back, a comfy seat cover for me, and a helmet for Joseph.

Now, I haven't ridden a bike since I was a teenager. It's not as easy as I remember. Mainly because I weigh so much more than I did back then, but also because I am toting a 26 lb toddler and 5-10 lbs of extra junk in my basket. After some help from the bestman at our wedding, Joseph and I were ready to go. Remembering how long and far I used to ride I thought it would be no issue to ride the bike to church for evening prayer which is about 7 miles away. Boy was I wrong. We did about a 1/2 mile yesterday and then had to stop. I don't remember the seat being this uncomfortable. I actually may need to get one of those "wider" seats to make this more comfortable. But then this morning, we rode up to Meijer to pick up a couple things and back. That was about 1 1/2 miles total. I felt good afterwards. So, I'm trying. It's not going to be easy, but I'm giving it an honest effort. The plus side, Joseph really seems to enjoy it.

My goal isn't extreme. I would like to lose 10 lbs a month. That's only 2 1/2 lbs a week. It's feasible. Especially if I eat and drink properly, and try and get out and do some activity several times a week. If this all goes well, if I stick to this seriously this time, I should be down over 70 lbs by New Year's.

I know that losing weight and living a healthier life won't guarantee I won't have complications with the next pregnancy and may still have to be on bed rest, but I know this will lower the chances of that happening. That's what really matters.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Abundance!

I was reading a good friend's blog today. She was discussing how blessed we are as a whole, and how much we as a whole take it for granted. It got me thinking..

I have been blessed with an over abundance. I don't have trouble finding things to complain about, but in the end I am blessed. I have so much more than other people around the world, and I definitely take it for granted. It's not hard as Americans to become spoiled, self indulgent, and to feel entitled.

She is right on so many levels. How many people don't have shoes? I have a shoe rack overflowing. How many people don't have electricity? As I sit here in my air conditioning while using my laptop. How many people went hungry tonight? While I sit here with a very full tummy. It's sad, it's hard, but it's true.

We are blessed on so many different levels, and our eyes are so often clouded with greed that we fail to notice all that we do have. I need to make a more conscious effort to be thankful, grateful, and happy about all that I do have. So it starts here.. Here is a short list of some of the things I am appreciative of.

I have a wonderful family. I have a loving, amazing husband. We have been blessed to be married for 6 years. We are also blessed to be celebrating 10 years together this summer. It's amazing to think we have spent a decade together. Something even more amazing is the fact that he has been my soul mate for more than a 1/3 of my life. We are blessed to still be married. I am grateful that we have stayed together through thick and thin, through richer or poorer, and through the best and the worst.

We have an awesome, beautiful son. He lights up my life, and teaches me things everyday. He has made me a mom, which is something else to be thankful for. He is healthy, and vibrant and wondrous. I am thankful that I am his mother and he my son.

I am grateful for the friends and family out there that complete me. The ones that go out of there way to be there, love me, and take care of me. The ones that regardless of the time that passes, we have a bond so strong that we can pick up like it was just yesterday when we last spoke. I am thankful for those who stand behind me, the ones who stand in front of me, stand up for me and the ones that let me lean on them when I can't stand up straight. I am blessed.

I am grateful for the roof over my head, and the electricity, heat, air conditioning, plumbing that keeps me comfortable. I am thankful for the pantry and fridge full of food. I am glad that we have money in the bank, and can afford silly little luxuries. We are blessed to have great credit, and be able to pay our bills on time. I am thankful for our vehicles and all of the other amazing conveniences we take for granted. I am thankful for medical benefits. I am grateful that Joseph's college fund already has more than we had when we started school.

I am completely overjoyed and thankful for all my husband does to provide for us, so that I can stay home and fulfill my calling of being a homemaker and stay at home mom. I am grateful for these opportunities. I appreciate how hard he works.

I am thankful for SJA and all of our great friends and family in Christ. We are blessed to have found a church that fits us so well. So long we tried to fit ourselves to different churches, never knowing there was one out there that fit us so well. So glad we found them.

Every step, every turn, every wall, every roadblock, every slammed door, every fall has led us to where we are today. We wouldn't be where we are, or who we are if anything had been done differently. Every heartbreak, every tear, every scar, every sad and scary thing that we've gone through, fell through, tripped through has brought us here.

I love my family. I love my husband. I love my son. I love the life we have built brick by brick. I have a renewed sense of happiness and appreciation for all the cards God has dealt us.

Friday, May 21, 2010

Potpourri

Always I fall into a rut with this. I edit myself. I want to blog, but I find myself saying one of the following.. I can't write about that, because so and so will not be happy, and I can't write about that, because I really don't want him or her to know about that, and I can't write about that because I will offend, outrage those people, and I can't write about that, because, people will judge me.

So, then I find myself unable to write, because I can't think of a safe topic. One that doesn't fall under any of those categories. It's hard. I'm just not a controversial person. I don't like drama, so therefore I don't want to create it.

Anyways, I'm sure this will just become a hodgepodge type blog entry, but then again, I guess most of them usually are.

Joseph is amazing. I can't believe how awesome he is. He is becoming more and more like a little person. Certain personality traits are becoming stronger and stronger. He is definitely JJ's look a like, but has my personality almost to the bone. Which if you know me at all means he is becoming rather independent, rather stubborn, and rather OCD. He has to be the last one out and he has to make sure the screen door is closed before we leave. He wants to carry bags or packages, even if they weigh as much or more than him. He's starting to string more and more words together and creating his own little language. Like him tasting my meatloaf, then spitting it out, and then telling me, "Is yuck!" He is just a super cool kid. I know I've said it a hundred times, but he is even better than what I dreamed he would be. I love being his mom. I love how smart, and inquisitive he is becoming. He's a spectacular boy!

Which leads me to the next topic.. More children. I would be lying if I didn't say that I'm honestly scared that another kid wouldn't be as amazing as Joseph is. Which is silly, because now that we have a little bit of an idea of what we're doing it would probably be the opposite. It's hard to imagine another kid as awesome as he is though.

But babies, babies, babies.. Why is it when you want one everyone is pregnant? I guess it's because I just pay more attention. I definitely want another one. But, I want to wait until we have room for another one. I want to wait until I'm sure my husband will be here for the arrival. And I want to lose some more weight so that I can hopefully have a less eventful, healthier pregnancy. I'm down six pounds, so I'm well on my way.

But then a little voice in my head says, I don't want to wait. So many other people don't properly plan and prepare for their children. They get pregnant because it's the thing to do. They get pregnant because they want someone to love them. They get pregnant to save a relationship. They get pregnant because they don't want to lose their chance. Sometimes these things work out, but a lot of times they don't. I hate being a planner for this reason. I just want to be a little irresponsible and do what I WANT, not what is best in the long run.

I mean, I knew I wanted my children born in wedlock, with a mother and father. I knew I wanted to provide them with their own space (ie, a room). I knew I wanted to be able to afford to give them some of their wants not just their needs. I also wanted to be sure the person I had a child with would be there for the long haul, because I would really like all of my children to be from the same father. I also knew that Jeremiah and I needed a foundation to properly support a family. Joseph wasn't born until 8 years into our relationship (4 years into our marriage). We started trying after we were married for three, but we felt by that point that we had a good foundation. I have a hard time understanding why you want to take a relationship that isn't sturdy or deep and procreate. And I'm not talking about the "surprises." I know full well those happen. We had one happen last summer. But I also know there are plenty of ways to prevent those surprises, because trust me, after 6 years of marriage if there weren't ways to prevent them we would probably be on our 6 or 7 child by now. I mean I know not everyone is as analytical about this as I am. And I'm not knocking what makes everyone happy. I'm just saying it's not for me.

I mean if I had a dime for every person that tells me how complicated their life is because one of the children's parents aren't involved in their lives, or how they wish they would have done this or that instead of rushing into having a child, or how they can't afford their children, I would be rich. That's not to say that you can't do all the planning in the world and still end up in these situations, but I'm talking about people who rushed and pushed their way to be at the front of the baby making line without any thought, without any planning. Again, I know this isn't the case for a lot of children, and yes, surprises happen, I'm talking about the others out there.

I know I wanted to wait to give my children the best possible situation to grow up in, and it boggles my mind that not everyone feels that way. Life is tough enough that I wouldn't want my children to have such a rough head start. I mean I know decades ago, that was the thing to do, you got into a relationship and the next step was to have a baby. It's not like that anymore.

So, this brings me around to my next topic.. Relationships. Let's start with the ones of the friend variety. Why is it some people don't want to be there when your world is crashing down, but insist on you being there when theirs is? This frustrates me to no end. If I'm a good enough friend to be there with the stuff really hits the fan, why can't you be there for me when I'm losing my ground? It's frustrating. Period.

Next is actual romantic relationships. I have a very close friend who, as I've stated before, is on the cusp of what will prove to be a nasty divorce. Her husband has now actually filed divorce papers. This is a bittersweet situation in so many ways. First of all, both parties involved are good friends of ours. Secondly, one party in particular, has not gone out of the way to be the bigger person, and has subsequently hurt the children involved. It's hard to be in the middle. Both sides contradict each other on everything. The worst part is that there is a third wheel in this whole deal, and that person, I believe is the straw that broke the camel's back. It's hard enough to keep a marriage afloat when there is only two people involved, when you add a third (obviously other than God) it makes a slippery situation, that much more slippery. I also think one person has been getting the raw end of the deal the whole time. Which leads to the question of, how can you promise to love someone, protect them, then have children with them, and cast them aside? Just because someone gives you something more in the bedroom? Just because someone is fitter, or "listens" more? Or is more fun? I mean if you ever cared about your spouse wouldn't the more caring thing to do be to end relationship, before carrying on any other - no matter how innocent - relations with anyone else? I just don't get it. But again, I don't know all the facts. The facts I do know, suck though. I can't decipher more facts because he says one thing, she says the opposite and vice versa. I just hope and pray that both parties make the right choices, and do what is in the best interest of everyone involved, not just themselves. And here's some advice to the third wheel.. If this person did this to their spouse, and you marry them down the line, what makes you think they won't do it to you? The grass will always be greener on the other side. There will always be someone fitter, prettier, more fun, or better in bed. Good luck with that.

On a different note.. My husband will be gone from Sunday until Friday. He will be in Battlecreek getting ready for OCS which will take place in June. As it stands, June 11th will be the day he ships out to Alabama. Please keep our family in your thoughts and prayers as we start this next part of our journey.