Saturday, July 31, 2010

Cleaning Machine

So, those of you who have been to my house now that MOST (not all) of the time I keep a fairly clean and organized house. It doesn't sparkle very often though. I really only do really deep down cleaning every few weeks. I unfortunately don't have the cleaning bug that many women and homemakers seem to have. As long as everything is put away and there isn't a lot of grime I'm happy.

But of course with my husband coming home I am on a mission to make this place sparkle and shine. I want everything to look perfect for when he is home. I did the same thing when he came home during his holiday break from basic training. I got all the dust out of every nook and cranny and did the tedious cleaning chores that normally get overlooked during normal housework.

Last December when he came home, I made the mistake of thinking my house was in fairly good order and waited until the day before he came home to start working on the cleaning. Big mistake. Once I started doing all those little "extra" cleaning chores it was nearly midnight, my house was torn apart from moving things to clean and I was far from being done. So, this time I vowed to give myself a week to get everything done. That way I could take my time, get everything done, and actually sleep the night before he came home. I must admit, although I don't enjoy housework normally, I am really enjoying it right now. I really taking pride in what I'm doing for our family and most importantly my husband. I really wound up with only 6 days since the Youth Group Waterpark trip was yesterday, but I've been a busy bee most of the day. I'm making progress and feeling good. I had made a list of the things I wanted to get done and I'm slowly checking them off. I'm thrilled to have a task to put all this nervous excitement I have about my husband coming home into. All this excitement is sure getting the job done.

So far today: I've cleaned my itty bitty little hallway. Which isn't much I know. But, I dusted and wiped down walls. Cleaned all the windows and blinds in every room. I've scrubbed Joseph's room inside and out and also rearranged his room. The new setup gives him a little more play room I think. While cleaning Joseph's room I went through and packed up some toys, clothes, books and stuffed animals. (I have to get ready for all of the new fun things he's sure to get at his party). I also cleaned out my freezer and scrubbed it until it shined. I did the same thing with the fridge (honestly, if I would of realized how yucky it was in there I would have done it sooner). I also scrubbed my drip pans for my stove. Although those don't really sparkle, they do look much better than they did before. I'm on a roll though.

So, anyways, I should get back to my work while my son is still napping. I just wanted to blog a little because I was feeling so proud and accomplished. We have less than 5 days and 23 hours. (And for those counting that is less than 145 hours.) YAY!!

Thursday, July 29, 2010

Enough is Enough

I am too old to deal with this silliness. Nothing, absolutely NOTHING that I have written about has been a fabrication. That's not to say that I haven't left out some of the more offensive things, but I've told the truth. That being said, I don't want, or need this drama in my life. I have done the best to put this behind me. I haven't said anything online - in blogs or anything for a month. So for her to still be talking about me is just out of line.

My solution is quick and easy. If I catch wind of anymore of her posts about me or blindly stumble across them as I did this week, she will be completely blocked from both mine and Jeremiah's accounts. I have left her on his because I wanted them to work out a way to be mature, adult friends without me in the mix. She is one of a group of his friends that went to highschool together and sometimes hang out together. I didn't want to totally make this decision. But seeing as my husband has left me to keep our family safe and taken care of while he is gone, and this is causing me harm (and when I'm stressed I'm not the best mommy for Joseph) I need to take care of this as I would any other shortfall or obstacle that may arise while he's gone. I need to just be an adult and take care of it. The band-aid fix isn't working, so something more drastic may be needed. If I have to go that far, Jeremiah and I will make the decision when he is home, about whether or not contact with her is best for our family, and whether or no to reinstate it. Like I said, I'm willing to assume this nonsense is over, but if it comes to my attention one more time I will take care of the matter.

It must be nice to live in a world where someone's biggest concern in life is who is following who and such. I fortunately, live in the adult world. I have been doing my best to raise my child and be a single parent for the last 7 weeks, while my husband trains to lead troops of men into a war he may very likely be in the middle of next year. I don't have time to worry about who's on this and who's on that. I will not let this pettiness bring me stress anymore.

If you want to be a part of my life you need show my husband and family a little bit of respect. I can assure you the same goes for Jeremiah. He may be away, but after spending a decade with him, I have a little bit of insight into his morals, values, and expectations from friends.

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

My Life in Fact, Does Not Revolve Around You

So, I don't pretend to be computer saavy. I know bits and pieces that I've picked up from trial and error, but other than that, I'm mostly lost. I still can't load a picture on twitter. I still have trouble navigating some of these social network sites, and the fact that my blog looks as presentable as it does is purely by accident. I am not that good with these sites.

That being said, I am "smart" enough to read facebook statuses, and when I signed on to Jeremiah's facebook to respond to a message someone had sent me about writing to him, I was metaphorically slapped in the face. I saw my ex-best friend's status (because she hasn't deleted JJ from facebook - yet!). Something to the effect of, "I don't understand why someone that hates me is still following my blog and my twitter account." I thought wow, she must've been a jerk to someone else. She really wants to have no friends left. I of course scrolled down to see the comments, all from people that she hasn't stabbed in the back apparently yet, and saw one from her saying something like, "Yeah, but she blocked me from seeing her blog." I'm paraphrasing here. I thought for a minute, could she be talking about me? I mean she took the initiative to delete me on twitter and facebook. Could she be talking about me? So, I flipped over and navigated as best as I could through twitter and my blog. Although I blocked her from my blog, which I thought meant that I would be removed from hers (although apparently social networking sites apparently do not follow common sense), I was in fact not deleted from hers. And although she deleted me from twitter, she was still on mine. I guess I hadn't really given it much thought. She took the intiative to delete me from facebook, I just assumed she has deleted and blocked me from everything. I mean why facebook and not everything else?

So, let me address a couple of things. I do not in fact, hate you. I've been through a lot things in my life, but as I think over all the injustices or wrongs I've been dealt.. I don't know if I hate anyone. I definitely don't hate her. I'm not really sure where she got this impression considering SHE is in fact the one that terminated our relationship. In fact if anyone hates anyone here, it would be her hating me. She was the one who deleted me as I was going through one of the most difficult times in my life. Not me. She abandoned me. She broke the friendship. Just because I blog about some of the more crappier things she's done, it doesn't mean I hate her. Frustrated, yes! Pissed off, well yes of course! Sad that she could turn on me when I was going through a difficult time, yes I am hurt. But hate? No, I don't hate her.

I know it's hard to believe. But my life in fact, does not revolve around her. This hasn't been some elaborate scheme to keep tabs on her or anything. I know it must be hard to believe, but I am trying my best to be a single mom right now while my husband is trained on how to lead a squad of men into a war that he will very likely be in the middle of sometime next year. It was just by chance that I signed on to facebook while her status was up at the top of the page when I went to check the message. If it hadn't been there in my face, I wouldn't have even seen it.

So, that being said, I am going to do my damndest to make sure she is off of all my stuff and I from hers. I will do my best. I have more important things to deal with in my life then her petty nonsense. Another thing she needs to keep in mind though, if she keeps it up, she won't be friends with my husband for very long. I can guarantee you that he will side with the person he is spending his life with. He is already upset enough with how her and her sister have treated me. She is really on thin ice. If she continues to treat me so badly and be so petty, he will not want her in his life either. She has already put me through enough during what was already a tough time, if she keeps it up she'll be down another friend. He's my husband, and I can guarantee he is not going to be okay with one of his so called friends treating me like this. He is my husband, and I can assure anyone reading this that he is going to pick me over someone he went to highschool with.

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

The Final 10

So, here we are, down to 10 days. These 10 days should go by fairly quickly because Joseph and I will be kind of busy this week and then next week I will being doing all sorts of little things to get ready for JJ's return. I'm relieved that we're coming to the close of OCS. He only has to get through a week and a half. There were a couple times that he wrote to me and I thought that he might be coming home without finishing, but it looks like that won't be a problem. I know he's learned a lot and is really excited to see how many doors this opens for us.

We had planned on JJ going into military intelligence. It was one of the longer jobs to train for, but we felt that it may have been a safer position, plus it looked like there could be civilian job opportunities on this career path. That door has been closed for us though. At least for right now. They are getting ready to deploy a lot of soldiers in the upcoming year, and therefore are trying to fill all open positions. There are some big decision for us to make. This choice will make or break his military career, this choice will decide how safe of a job he has, this choice will change the paths of our lives in one way or another.

That being said, Jeremiah is not deployable until his training is complete, but he's being told that it is very likely he will be. I know he would like to get the hands on experience but I am nervous about the potential dangers. God will continue to take care of us and direct our paths. I have much more peace about this than I've had in the past. Everything will go according to God's plan. I just wish I knew what His plan was.

I have still been working on my weight loss. July was a tough month, because I've felt pretty crappy through it. When I feel like crap, I eat more crap. Since the surgery, I am slowly starting to feel better. I'm not completely recovered but I am feeling better everyday. I was hoping in the beginning to be down 30lbs by the beginning of August, but that's not going to happen. I am currently down 16lbs. I would be happy just to be down 20lbs by the time Jeremiah is home. I'm working on it, but still recovering. We'll see if it happens. I'm eating much better so that has to count for something. On a good note I weigh less than when I delivered Joseph. The next milestone is to weigh less than I did when I became pregnant with him. I'll get there. I'm doing this for Joseph and any unborn children we have. Every pound I lose increases the chance of a healthier pregnancy and decreases the chance of obesity related health issues later in life. This weight wasn't all put on overnight, and it's not going to come off overnight either. I'm motivated, and I'll get there. Thanks for everyone's support and encouragement on this matter.

On a happy note, I got to see my maid of honor yesterday. She is expecting her first child this fall. She looks great, glowing, and happy. She is nearing the end of her pregnancy, and getting ready for the birth of this new child (the baby's sex will be a surprise). I'm really looking forward to meeting this new bundle and hoping to keep better in touch with her. I know she'll be a fantastic mom.

Tonight I'm going to the kickoff of a small group called Heroes on the Home Front. It is a military family support group. I'm really looking forward to this. It will give me a chance to meet other women going through what I am. It will give Joseph a chance to meet and play with other children too. I'm hoping to develop some new relationships and make some new friends.

Joseph is as amazing as ever. It seems everyday he learns at least one new word. He is getting stronger not just physically but intellectually as well. I'm proud of all the things he's learning. I'm looking forward to his birthday party. It will be a great opportunity to see family and friends. He's also been getting to bed easier for me. I am glad we are finally moving past the problems of him going to bed. He has been waking at 6am which is hard too, but at least he's going to bed in the first place. We'll get back to where we were. I can't forget that Daddy's absence has been difficult on him as well.

Monday, July 19, 2010

My Support System

The last week and a half has been a really tough, trying time for me. I've been frustrated over the situation that came about. I've been upset about having to be hospitalized and have yet another surgery. Having to do all this with Jeremiah's absence has just been icing on the cake (Okay, well not really. That is sarcasm).

I know the cliches that "God won't give you more than you can handle", "The only place to go when your down, is up." I've heard it all. It still didn't change the fact that I was angry about this all happening, and with terrible timing to boot.

Although these last 10 days or so have been hard (in every sense of the word), things are finally starting to get back to normal. Slowly but surely. These moments of doubt, and hardship really make me reflect on how blessed I am. Also, if I've learned anything during these 6 weeks of Jeremiah's absence it would be summed up in this order: I am stronger than I ever thought I could be, jealousy can destroy even the strongest of relationships in the blink of an eye, and hard times really show you who is truly your friend and who isn't.

The outpouring of love, support and help during Jeremiah's OCS time has been overwhelming. I've really learned who matters in my life, and who I matter to. I've also found out who I didn't matter to, and who I didn't have to have in my life. I am thankful for everyone who has touched my life during this challenging time.

I am also extremely grateful for everything that has been done for me and Joseph since I began being sick. The outpouring of love and help has really blessed my heart. I will never be able to appropriately thank those of you who took care of Joseph, who came to see my at the hospital, who brought us meals, and who picked up my slack for commitments I had to break. Thank you to everyone who visited, called, texted, emailed, and facebooked me. Thank you to Dawn and Kimmy for always keeping Joseph first and foremost and making sure he was fed and loved. I can't even begin to thank everyone by name, but know that so many of you have touched my life and my heart, and your kindness and generosity will never be forgotten.

Although I am not anywhere close to being back to my old self, or completely healed, I am on the road to recovery. I know that I have to put Joseph and my health first, before anything else. That's been difficult for me because I hate breaking promises and not following through with things. But, I am trying, because I see the big picture and know what has to be done.

So, thank you again for everyone who has helped in any way. Thank you for everyone's cards, well wishes, and most importantly prayers. I belong to a strong church family, and I am so thankful that I do. I also have the most amazing friends and family that anyone could ever ask for. I only hope that someday I can bring some blessing to your lives measurable to the blessings you have given me.

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

I Miss Those Blue Eyes..

This song really sums up how I'm feeling about my husband being gone. It's really amazing how much I miss this man, and how much I'm in love with him.

I'm a little sad and scared that he can't be with me tomorrow as I go into the hospital. It's so much harder to deal with scary events, tough events without the support and presence of your soul's mate and companion. I miss him so much.

Friday, July 9, 2010

Heartstrings

July has been such a busy month so far. I can't believe we are only 8 days in. There are so many things going on. Graduation parties, church functions, and so many other social commitments. It is good that we're busy though. It helps take my mind from how long my husband has been gone and how long it will be until he gets home.

But that's not what I really want to talk about, what I really want to say is..

I am so blessed to have such an amazing son. I know I've said it so many times, but he truly is a remarkable little boy. He fills my life with such joy and excitement. I want to be the best mom I can be for him, because he deserves the best. He is such a joy and I love him to pieces.

He is growing so quickly. It never ceases to amaze me! He has learned so many things. He has grown so much. He is becoming less and less like a baby and more and more like a young child. He has such personality. He has demands, and wants, and likes and dislikes. He is learning new ways to express himself to the world around him. His imagination is developing. Everyday he is learning new words and stringing together longer and more precious sentences. He loves to tell me about the world around him. What he wants, what he sees, what he doesn't like. It's all so precious and amazing. I love seeing him grow, and as much as I long for him to be my little baby forever, I love seeing this growth, and this progress. He honestly speaks more often and clearer than some children that are older than he is.

I love how he tells me "night" when I put him to bed. I love how when we pray before bed that he tells me who else he wants to pray for.. "Daddy, Mimmy.." It's amazing. Everywhere we go he talks to me about cars. This child is definitely set to grow into a "car guy." He makes me laugh everyday. It's especially funny to see him explaining to the cats about his blocks or dinosaurs. Or even funnier when he wants the cats out of his room and he points at his door and tells them, "Meow, get out" or "Meow, go now." He has a firm belief that everything in this world is blue, and that all birds (including Big Bird) are ducks.

I can't wait for Jeremiah to see all the new and wonderful things our son can say and do. He will be so impressed in all that has happened in two short months. I wish he could be here to experience it first hand, but I know he is doing something bigger for our family, and our country for that matter.

And my husband.. What can I say about him? He is truly a fantastic man. This month will mark 10 years together. One full decade. I still remember our first kiss. I still remember the fireworks that came from just the slightest touch, I remember them clearly, because I still get them when we touch. We've been through so much. We've grown together. We've come so far together. We've been at our highest and lowest points together. We've laughed together, cried together, fought, smiled, and dreamed together. I couldn't imagine my life with anyone different. I'm so glad we never gave in or gave up when things got tough.

He is my supporter. My best friend. My companion, my helpmate. He completes me. My hand fits perfectly in his. His lips fit perfectly to mine. He's my lover, my shoulder, my sounding board. He gives me strength, and always shows me the rational side of things. My soulmate, my Godsend, my supporter, my beloved. He's my husband, the father to my son, and the father of my unborn children.

We've seen each other at our worst and our best. I love him so much more than yesterday, and yet, not as much as I will tomorrow. Our love deepens and matures day after day. There's no other person that I would rather walk hand in hand through the storms of life with. He holds the key to my heart, and his eyes can reach the depths of my soul.

I know God made this man for me. No other person is more suited for me. No other person's strengths compliment my weaknesses.

One decade is only the tip of the iceberg though. One decade could never be enough to spend with my beloved. I look forward to many more decades. I look forward to all the ups and downs, and storms left to come to us. I love the teenager I fell in love with, and I adore the man he has become.

I love everything he has done to provide for me and Joseph. I love the selfless courage he has to make a career out of such a dangerous field. He is so strong, and brave. I love seeing how far we've come, but I can't wait to see where our next road takes us.