Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Blessed

I am writing this now, because I know the next several days will be hectic and if I don't take the time today I may not get a chance to do this before Thanksgiving.

Let me start by saying I am blessed. I serve a God that loves me and is faithful and never fails to provide. God has blessed our family with so much. We have so much to be thankful for. But, just because I feel God has blessed us does not mean that we are more special or important than anyone else. God's blessing are not reserved for certain people. God blesses all of his children. It's your prerogative or perspective that lets you see it as a blessing or something you provided for yourself. I'm not dense enough to believe that my life is the way it is because I tried really hard or worked really hard. I see God's handiwork in our life on a daily basis. Some people are so blinded by their own selfish ideals to see that perhaps something a little bigger than themselves is responsible for certain situations or circumstances.

I am thankful for my God. He loves me. He loves my family. His hand is always in our lives. None of my problems, worries, stresses or ever too big for him. He is faithful and ever present. There is no doubt in my mind that He is who I should be thankful to for all the blessings and happiness I have in my life.

I am blessed to have a good, hard working husband. He is a man that does all that he can to provide for our family. He works double shifts at least twice a month to continue to support our family. He is a good father, and he is the love of my life.

I am blessed to have the most magnificent son. I am in awe of him everyday. He is constantly learning and growing. I am thankful that his difficult time in the womb and first week of life has not negatively affected him in any way. He is a brilliant, loving, affectionate child. I couldn't be happier with this child that we have been given.

I am blessed to have so many awesome friends. Those friends who are there when I need them. Those friends that recognize that I need them near me even if I don't ask them to be. I am thankful for unconditional friendships. Friends that allow me to be me and love me just the same.

I am thankful for my family (both blood and those through marriage). I appreciate the love, support, and guidance they provide.

There are so many other things to be thankful for. Too many to list. So, I'll close with this: I am thankful for the life I have been blessed with. I am blessed to live the life I do. All parts of it. I know I don't deserve everything that has been bestowed upon me, but I am grateful none the less.

Saturday, November 20, 2010

Is it December yet?

I am frazzled. I am stressed. I am stretched and wore thin. This month has brought some major issues and tenuous situations. I'm about ready for November to be over. Bring on December.

To start with, everything is just a little bit stressful as we prepare for Jeremiah's departure. It's hard getting everything arranged and taken care of for an absence that will span so many months.

He'll be home at Christmas and New Year's, but will miss my birthday for the second year in a row. It's sad, and disappointing. My favorite place to go for my birthday is Benihana. Normally my folks take me there to celebrate my birthday, but with my Dad on disability for his back there's not quite so much money this year. So, I guess I will take Joseph and myself to dinner there on my birthday. Hopefully he'll be home next year for my birthday.

We've encountered some unforeseen and large expenses this month as well. So, it's stretches an already overstretched and thin budget to just about the snapping point. I know things will be a little easier once we start getting the military paycheck again, but that's still about a month away.

I'm also a sad over the dissolution of two good friend's marriage. It's hard to see this happen to two people that I love so much. Their divorce was just final after a long separation. I'm glad to see them moving on, but I'm still sad about the entire situation.

We've been trying to have another baby since Jeremiah's return. This month was really our last chance to "try" until his return in April. It didn't happen, and much to my sadness and disappointment there will not be a new baby in 2011 like we were hoping for. If I'm being completely honest I'm quite shattered about this. After the miscarriage in 2009 I just thought we would have an easier time getting pregnant. I'm frustrated and sad, and feeling discouraged. Once I know for sure that our tricare benefits are back in proper order I am going to go to the OB/GYN and get checked out. It's possible that my PCOS has gotten worse and I may need some medication to help with proper ovulation. Many women with PCOS need medication to get pregnant. My doctor said my fertility was extremely high after I conceived with Joseph because it only took 11 cycles and I was un-medicated. Many women with PCOS can struggle for years to conceive. I know we haven't tried 11 cycles yet, but I am just feeling a little nervous about this. I think getting a check up will ease my mind about this and hopefully give me some reassurance that I can and will conceive, eventually.

There are so many other issues and problems and stress besides these few things. Life is just hard right now. I've tried to scale back as much as I can of my extra responsibilities. I'm hoping that will give me some time to buff myself up emotionally and mentally. I've been so scatter brained lately because of all this extra stress. I'm just ready for a break.

I know it could be worse. I know God won't give me more than I can handle. I hope that's true, but I don't know how much more I can take at this point in time.

Monday, November 15, 2010

Preparing to Say Goodbye for Nearly 1/2 a Year

I am the proud wife of a brave American soldier. I love the titles, "Military Spouse" and "Army Wife." I believe there's a lot to be proud of with my husband's chosen career path. I've got to say that I'm also quite a sucker for the uniform. What woman doesn't love a man in uniform?

I am excited and nervous to see what this career path will bring to our lives. It will be amazing to see where this takes our family, and all the wonderful opportunities that we will be provided with.

With all that said, I'm not a big fan of the absences. It's easier than I thought it would be. That's probably because I know this is good for our family, and that it is putting us on a path to achieving some of our goals. I know what he's doing is important for his family and for his country.

The hardest part about the absences (other than obviously the fact that he's not here) is getting used to being a single parent. It's hard to get into the swing of taking care of everything by yourself. I've found that the transition for me takes about 2 weeks. After that I'm usually in full swing, have all my balls up in the air, and can get more accomplished than I ever imagined.

This absence we are currently preparing for will be the longest one we've had to ensure. My husband will be leaving in a little over 2 weeks and he will be gone for a little more than 5 months. We will be able to communicate with him more often than we have in previous training stints. That in itself should make things a little bit easier.

I just ask for prayer for our family as we start this new leg of God's journey for us. There will be a lot of adjustments we all will need to make and it will I'm sure be a difficult journey. I mean we are talking about the absence of a husband and father for nearly 1/2 the year. So, please pray for strength and endurance. Please pray that this brings our family even closer together, and that we all emerge stronger and even mightier people because of it.

I know I can be strong and do what needs to be done. I know it's all for the greater good. I know I have a few people to help out if need be. I have a really hard time asking for help because I don't want to burden anyone. So, I'm grateful for those people who extend their love and support without me asking them to.

Thank you to everyone who has supported us through these military endeavors. Your love and support has not gone unnoticed. preparation

Saturday, November 13, 2010

The Fake Friend

Let's just start off by saying that I am too old for people with elementary or high school school mentality. I think everyone knows at least one of those people. It's the same person, who while you are in grade school all of a sudden starts liking the same boy you like (although they showed no interest before). It's the person who runs out and gets the same shoes, coat, barbie, or haircut because it's what you have. It's the same person who all of a sudden wants to be someone's friend because they see you are attempting a friendship with a new person. It's the "if I get it first, I'm better than them" mentality. Whatever of those 3 forms you may know this person as, any way you cut it, they are not a "real" friend. As someone who has survived this type of relationship, honestly, it doesn't get better with age, people honestly have the tendency to get even nastier with this behavior.

So, let's talk about the obvious. I'm not a kid anymore, and I realize that I can have a friend that is friends with many other people and it in no way shape or form threatens my relationship with them. Some people don't feel that, and feel to have a friend they must be their one and only friend. It's a possessive, "gimme, gimme me" mentality that is extremely dangerous.

My husband (although he sometimes doesn't notice these things, has picked up on this situation as well) and I are seeing one unfold currently. We have a front row seat at times to the two-faced, underhanded tactics of this type of person.

I'm probably confusing a lot of you. So let me break it down and tell you my dilemna. There is someone who up until recently hasn't been much more than an acquaintance to me. I knew this person through my husband, but although we knew each other we didn't really talk too much. Over a short period of time I feel like we've become friends and I've found that I really like this person.

So, now that I've begun talking with and getting to know this person someone else has taken notice of this and as far as I can tell is trying to drive this person closer to themselves (I believe at hopes of making me "lose" this person as a friend). It's the only thing that makes sense. Here, this is getting confusing. We will give these people pretend names to protect their identities. So, we have "Amy" who I've been talking to more and am finding is a pretty cool person. Then we have "Drusilla" who is not friends with me, and up until when I've begun talking to "Amy" hasn't been "Amy's" friend either.

The part of this that's so disheartening, the part that really worries and bothers me is "Amy" getting hurt. I am an adult and I know that "Drusilla" will not be able to "steal" my new friend away. At one point I knew "Drusilla" and at the time I didn't really know "Amy." The things that "Drusilla" would say about "Amy" bordered on violent. The vulgar, grotesque things that were vomited from "Drusilla's" mouth about "Amy" could make your stomach wretch. So, now that I see all of a sudden how this person who was so hated is now an interest to "Drusilla," I'm a little worried about poor "Amy."

Maybe "Drusilla" is trying to be a big girl and trying to make amends, build bridges, etc. But I'm skeptical at best. The way it's unfolded looks more like, "I don't like her (referring to me), so if I can take away what she likes, I win."

Fortunately I'm a big girl, and I understand true friendships and relationships don't work that way. So, I'm not worried about that aspect. What concerns me is this: Should I inform "Amy" of "Drusilla's" true or at least fairly recent comments/feelings about her, or do I just let the situation unfold and "Amy" find out for herself?

I guess I know the answer to this. I'm an adult and I'm not going to instigate "drama" which is all that would really happen. I'll keep my mouth shut.

I just think it's silly for people to behave in such a two-faced way. I think it's silly for people who are not satisfied in their lives to see someone who is happy and satisfied and to take it upon themselves to upset that balance. What this person doesn't understand is that someone who is happy/satisfied and has what she wants out of life is not thrown off course by their jealous, petty behavior.

I am happy, satisfied, pleased, content with my life and my relationships, and no amount of envious, back-stabbing-esque behavior will change that. I just hope that this person (Drusilla) is able to find the happiness and satisfaction that I have from life so maybe she can stop misusing people and finally put away her "Fake Friend" cape.

Monday, November 1, 2010

Best Halloween Ever!

Our little "Calvin" did so well last night. This is technically his third Halloween but this is really the first one he could do "trick or treating."

I've been trying to build up this day for him. Talking to him about what exactly will be happening. I'd been practicing the phrase, "trick or treat" with him for weeks. All the little guy could say was "treats" but that's okay. I'm pretty sure he got his point across.

I thought for sure he would want to be carried some of the way since there was so much walking involved, but he proved me wrong. He didn't want to be carried until we finished the last house and were walking back to the car.

He got a pretty good haul considering how few lights were actually on. I'm a little sad because I worry that trick or treating may be obsolete by the time he has children. It looks like so few people actually participate in it anymore.

This was probably my favorite and best Halloween ever. Despite invitations to go trick or treating with other people we decided to keep it a family affair. It was a multi faceted reason. First and foremost, Daddy missed Halloween last year, and with his career in the military there's no guarantee he'll be home next Halloween. So, it was very important for me to be sure that both Joseph and Daddy had a real, big, deep memory of yesterday's events. In the two previous Halloween's we've bounced around trying to make it to every Halloween day event or trick or treating we were invited to. I think that really takes the focus off my child's special experience. I would really like to see Miles and Joseph trick or treat sometimes though, so maybe we'll join them every other year or so.

We've also made it a priority for both sets of grandparents and family to see Joseph dressed up on Halloween. I think this will be the last year for that as well. Maybe we will get him ready a little earlier and give the grandparents an opportunity to come to our home for pictures before we start out trick or treating. But, I don't think we will drive to and from each house next Halloween. It cuts down on Joseph's trick or treating time, and takes away some of the magic of the night.

I'm sure at least one person won't like our new Halloween rules, but I need to put my foot down. Every other holiday is consumed with splitting time, and driving to different places. I really want a holiday to make our own family traditions. I have to put my family first and not worry about what other people want.

I hope everyone had as great a Halloween as we did!