Many of you have a bit of the background with my pregnancy with Joseph. For those of you who don't, I will give you a synopsis of what happened.
At about 30 weeks (after not feeling the greatest for several weeks) I was diagnosed with gestational hypertension (PIH) and placed on modified bedrest. I was started on blood pressure medication and began seeing the OB twice a week and then also going to L&D at the hospital twice a week for bloodwork and NST's. I was placed on restrictions from driving. I was also sent to a high risk OB specialist at 32 weeks who wanted me induced that very day. Luckily my doctor was willing to wait things out and allowed me to get closer to full term. I was induced at 36w0d and delivered (after 33 hours of difficult labor with 3 non-functioning epidurals) at 36w1d. Joseph spent 7 days in the NICU. When he was born he was NOT laid on my chest and I was not able to hold him until 2 days later. I was not allowed to attempt to nurse him until he was 5 days old. As a result I never got a full milk supply and Joseph developed nipple confusion and was unable to properly nurse. I pumped for 10 months until my supply completely dried up. My supply was so low on a "good" day the most I would be able to pump would be 6 ounces (that's for the entire day).
As a result of Joseph's complicated pregnancy, labor, birth, and first week of life, I wanted to make things better for any other children we may have. I really thought that losing nearly 60 pounds before conception would put me a better place health-wise and allow the next baby to have a little bit safer and better entrance into this world. Once you have PIH you are at a greater risk of developing it with any additional pregnancies. I knew it was possible, I knew it was probable, but I had faith that with my lifestyle changes things would go much smoother.
Then the carpet got yanked out from underneath me.
My biggest concern when I headed to the OB's this afternoon was to be sure the baby was okay after his/her big brother's kick to the belly this weekend. I was also excited to find out if I could begin to jog again. I was put on physical restrictions during my bleeding (from about 6-10 weeks) and since I'd been blood free I was hoping to get back into a slightly normal routine.
I'm not quite sure if I even posted about it in the last doctor's visit blog I wrote, but my BP was beginning to creep up. It was a little concerning because my BP didn't go wacky with my pregnancy with Joseph until about 30 weeks. The OB decided a wait and see approach would be best, and although I was slightly nervous I really didn't give it too much thought. I really figured if it were to be an issue I'd have until about 30 weeks again. Wrong again.
I've been experiencing some strong headaches for a little while now. I've downgraded them in my mind to make myself feel better. I know these headaches all too well. I spent 6 weeks (30-36 weeks) plagued by them. They are hypertension headaches and they are unlike any headache you've ever experienced. But, I've downplayed them as normal pregnancy headaches. I wasn't ready to admit to myself there could be an issue.
Today at the OB's office was BP was high. Too high. 140/110 to be exact. And to be completely frank I was definitely a mess at the doctor's office. In addition to the BP problem that's popped up yet again, I have a UTI (urinary tract infection), and the OB thinks I have another vaginal infection. It really gives new meaning to the phrase, "When it rains, it pours."
I am now considered high risk (again). I was started on an antibiotic for the UTI (and possibly will get another one once the cultures come back). I am also now starting blood pressure medication (the same meds I had with Joseph). The doctor is trying to be proactive and I'm on a much higher dose than I had with Joseph.
So, what's the big deal you ask? Since I've begun with having problems this early in the pregnancy there is a huge risk that I may become pre-eclamptic. It's a scary condition and if you're curious about it feel free to google it. This could get bad enough where I will need to be hospitalized. And the scariest is the fact that we run a huge risk of having to have the baby delivered pre-term (again). At least with Joseph when things started heading south we were at a place gestationally that he could be born and survive with medical intervention. We are NO where near that with this pregnancy.
I'm having a pity party though. I've feeling bad for myself and this little baby. I feel like a failure as a mother and as a woman. Why can't my body handle this pregnancy stuff? I'm devastated and scared. I have no idea what will happen as things progress. I am definitely regretting my decision to choose a doctor that delivers at a hospital with out a NICU.
What I need from all of you is love and support, prayer and encouragement. I'm at a point where I need to be selfish. I won't be helping anyone move or clean or do anything that is not completely necessary. I need to be keeping myself as stress-free, burden-free, and rested as possible.
This is truly a scary time for me. I want this baby so badly, and I want him/her to be healthy, and I feel like things are spiraling out of control.